Return to Article Index
Return to Audio Index
Christian Confrontation
We are by nature people-judgers. Insecure at heart, we have found that comparing ourselves with someone else quickly boosts our sagging self-esteem. But we know it’s wrong, so often we add insult to injury and try to justify our judgmental tendencies with words like these, “I was just being honest,” “They needed to know,” “If I can do it, they can too.”
We are also by nature people-pleasers. We forsake honesty, confrontation and fair disagreement, and brush offenses under the rug in hopes that others will think we are nice. This is easy to justify as well. Simply say, “It won’t do any good,” “She doesn’t want to hear the truth,” and “I don’t know what to say.”
God calls us to live differently, to not be people-judgers and to not be people-pleasers. His way is a higher way, a better way. God is calling you and me to be people-lovers. We are to willingly lay down our lives for the spiritual good of others.
It begins this way:
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
I Peter 4:8
Most often, God calls people-lovers to silently forgive and not mention those sins again. Confrontation is not our default mode.
Yet there are times when the sin of another believer lies heavy on your heart and God is calling you to go the extra mile. For situations like these, in Matthew 18:15-17, God has given us clear principles for loving confrontation.
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.
“If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17
5 Principles of Loving Christian Confrontation
1. The goal is restoration (v. 15)
The temptation is to confront someone just to make ourselves feel better or to hurt someone who has hurt us. But that is not love. The goal in confrontation is restoring your relationship with them and their relationship with God.
2. Begin by approaching this believer in private (v. 15)
While it is easier to stuff our hurt down deep inside, or to gossip about them to others – the first loving step is to confront them in private.
3. Loving confrontation may need to involve others who also love this person (v. 16)
Confronting a fellow believer in Christ may not always lead to restoration but we are not to throw up our hands in despair. Continue the process of restoration with other like-minded believers.
4. Loving confrontation may need to involve the leaders of your church. (v. 17)
If this believer refuses to repent, it is time to involve the leaders of your church. Lord willing, because they respect the authority of the church, this person will see the seriousness of that sin, repent, and return.
This is hard but this is true love.
5. Loving confrontation loves to the uttermost (v. 18)
Even if nothing else works, love never gives up. Just as Jesus loved Gentiles and tax collectors, ate with them, and pointed them again and again to their need for forgiveness, we too are to woo the disobedient to Christ by pointing them to Him.
Being a people-judger or a people-pleaser is quick, easy, and one of the most unloving things you can do. God is calling us to a higher way. We are to forgive and with Christian confrontation lovingly address serious sin. Like Christ, we are called to be people-lovers.
Listen to the Audio “Christian Confrontation” & Learn:
Insecurity easily drives our relationships with others. We react to them in a way that will be helpful to us. This is not love. True confidence and security doesn’t come from how others feel about you but from your identity in Christ. When you draw from the deep well of the love of God, you will always have enough to love others well.
- Identify the roots of people-judging and people-loving in your life
- Learn when to confront and when to be still
- Embrace God’s limitless love for you so that you never again need to illegitimately steal love from others
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Other Great Articles You May Enjoy:
A Closer Relationship with God
Christian Relationships
Christian Boundaries
Forgiveness Will Set You Free
Christian Confrontation
