A reflection question at the end of Chapter 4 asked us to describe our ideal accountability partner. This is a great question! Not only will it help me identify someone God may be bringing deeper into my life on this journey, it is also giving me the opportunity to see how I can best hold others to account.
Here are my top ten dos and don’ts for the ideal accountability partner:
Don’t…
1. Judge me
2. Neglect to check in with me even when I don’t report in to you
3. Rush in to give unsolicited advice
4. Mix ‘accountability’ time with friend time
5. Compare me to yourself
6. Spend the whole time talking about yourself
7. Go too easy on me
8. Focus strictly on behavioral conditioning. My struggle goes deeper than that.
9. Let me slip into thinking that my success or failure all depends on me
10. Give up on me when I give up on myself
Do…
1. Love me unconditionally no matter what I do or don’t do
2. Pursue me in love even when I am hiding in shame
3. Listen for how the Holy Spirit is drawing me closer to God through this season of denying self, and help me hear Him when I am struggling
4. Honor your commitment by setting aside a special time for accountability
5. View my struggles from my point of view, my giftings, my failings, my unique circumstances
6. Listen more than you talk
7. Lovingly ask the hard questions
8. Emphasize the state of my heart as all my action or inaction proceeds from there
9. Pray with me and for me
10. Remain faithful for the long haul
I realize that we are all imperfect and no one could perform all of the above, all of the time. I couldn’t. But it is a standard I would like to set for myself, and I am praying that God send just the right person to stand by me.
Jump Right In
To increase accountability and encourage others PLEASE take a minute to comment below: introduce yourself, share your successes or struggles, add your food list or simply say ‘hi.’
The journey to change will be more successful if you walk it with others.
What About You?
What is important to you in an accountability partner?
Please join our discussion and
leave a comment here.
Made to Crave ~ Index to Previous Posts
Hey Kim - I want someone that will make time to be with me AND will initiate that time (because I start to feel like I’m imposing if I keep making the contact).
My accountability partners are people I feel safe with and feel a sense of unconditional love. I also feel open enough to share my real feelings…..and if they give unsolicited advice or get judgmental, I feel open enough to say “Thank you, but NO” to that. I have had one friend who is a vegan to make some comments that lets me know she thinks I should go vegan. I openly told her that I do not want to go that route. Another friend who had lap band surgery and has lived successfully with it made a comment that let me know she thinks I should go ahead and do as she did and that my “attempts” at healthier eating to lose 200 lbs are noble, BUT…..I told her I have not ruled anything out regarding my health, but unless I get my sugar/carb binging under control (bc I DO eat very healthy meals with lots of whole fresh foods) I won’t be healing…..even if I were to have lap band surgery. Comments like that in the past have kept me from having accountability partners….that “know it all-ness” has created information overload in me to the point that I have often felt guilty for putting ANYTHING in my mouth….depending on the eating trend of the times. That is no way to live, so I FINALLY got the guts to say NO to the world’s chatter and allow God to show me what REALLY nourishes me in MY LIFE! My people pleasing flooded my life so much that I couldn’t even know what God was saying to me in my heart……I listened too much to others (who sometimes had nuggets of truth….but not all the truth for me and my life.) So….all that to say….thank you, Kim, for the accountability rules we can share as we ask people to walk beside us…..not pulling us into their way or pushing us.
Hi Montana Kim, I just love hearing about how God is growing you in this area of ‘people-pleasing.’ As Christian women, we want so desperately to be ‘nice’ and at times, it is hard to separate that from caving into external pressure. Saying ‘no’ to the world’s chatter is so wise. Keep on keeping on, dear friend.
Thank you for the dos & don’ts. It helped me rule out one woman who offered to help me and know what to look for. I might even give the list to the potential accountablility partners so they know what I am and am not looking for. Thanks for praying for us.
Thanks Kim! I have had some accountability partners in the past who don’t seem to “get it”. Or even who OK my slipping. People who have lived what we are going through (or similarily). The empathy of having someone who has been there, the UNconditional acceptance and love, but tough love at the same time is what I need at least along with every thing else you have mentioned-awesome requirements! I like Diana’s idea of giving that list to a potential accountability partners! God is so good!
Hi Amy,
It’s weird to me that in the Christian community we don’t do a better job of holding one another accountable in Christ-like love. I know that I certainly have done a poor job for others in the past.
I am resolved to try to love better in the days and years ahead.