I recently held a big party. Searching the deepest recesses of my mind, I invited some of my oldest and dearest friends, friends who had been with me for as long as I can remember. And being the faithful type each and every one of them came with their party hats on sharing their typical words of wisdom…
Envy – “I wish this struggle was over and my life was perfect.”
Jealousy – “I want to look like her.”
Pettiness – “How come ‘she’ never struggles?”
Isolation – “No one really understands.”
Frustration – “Why isn’t there an easier way?”
Discouragement – “It will never get better.”
Anger – “It’s not fair.”
Hopelessness – She didn’t say much. She just sat there and cried.
The Party Begins
Yep. I held a big pity party in my head and invited all of my favorite ‘friends.’ At first, we had fun. We exchanged complaints, bemoaned injustices and berated those who just didn’t understand. We all agreed that I had life harder than anyone we knew and wondered how in the world life could be so unfair.
Then someone had a bright idea. I’m not sure whose idea it was originally, but we all agreed; it was brilliant. A jumbo Snickers Bar would be just the thing to make me feel better. Or a Hot Fudge Sundae. Perhaps a Bavarian Crème donut. Maybe all of the above?!
Oh no! I was in trouble. Life is unfair, but I really did want to stick to my healthy eating program and a Hot Fudge Sundae topped with Snickers Crumbles with a side of donuts just wasn’t on my plan. Trust me, I looked. I tried to say ‘no,’ but my party guests wouldn’t give up.
Putting My Fingers in My Ears
I didn’t want to listen. I knew that if I gave in just one time I would open a floodgate of calories that would be almost impossible to close.
I had to shut the party down. Kick the company out the door. Restore sanity and clean up the mess. The only problem is that once in the door no one wanted to leave. And each time I thought they were finally gone their voices would just start up again. (Picture Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.)
It took me a day and a half to clear them out of my head. A day and a half! It was hard. Very hard. While I didn’t give in and gorge myself on sweets, a bitter taste from all those ugly thoughts lingered on and on.
Satan’s Lie
Lysa was so right in Chapter Ten when she said, “Our flesh buys right into Satan’s lie that it’s not fair for things to be withheld from us.” Once I let myself entertain that lie, it tentacles reached down and wrapped themselves firmly around my heart.
Allowing myself to wallow in these lies made the battle to obey and stay on my plan so much harder than it needed to be. I had played with fire right up to the point of no return and I was paying the price.
Just Say No - Sooner
The lesson I learned isn’t, say ‘no’ no matter how hard. The true lesson is that saying ‘no’ sooner is a whole lot easier than waiting until it’s almost too late.
Next time my ‘friends’ start knocking on the door I plan to run to my prayer closet and do whatever it takes to shut that party down before it ever begins.
Jump Right In
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What About You?
What helps you remain faithful even when life’s not fair?
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I like the point that saying ‘no’ sooner is better. If I’ve already decided in advance what I will/won’t eat then it shouldn’t matter in the moment. It’s already decided.
For example - I don’t eat hot dogs so it doesn’t matter who is serving them, how good they smell at the ballpark…I don’t eat them. But I’m having a really hard time setting guidelines and sticking to them. Uggghhhh!!!
Hi Lucinda,
You’ve mentioned the difficulty you are having with setting guidelines and sticking to them several times. I wonder if having an accountability partner would help? Or you could even let us know what guidelines the Lord is calling you to set and check in with us everyday.?.
Hmmm, I wonder what other options you can consider to help you with that portion of our journey?
It’s just a thought - don’t feel obligated to share.
We love you and are praying for you. Hang in there.
Hmmm… I’m thinking. I’m thinking I’m avoiding making a commitment because it will be hard to keep and I want to have a way out. I am tired of things being hard and yes, I’m whining!
I will, however, spend some time journaling and keep you posted. I have some decisions to make.
Thank you!!
I love your willing spirit. You are a blessing.
knowing I am not alone with these feelings-rather, they are very common, helps me when the personal pity party strikes. knowing others do find success encourages me that i can too. Deciding in advance is so key Lucinda! Deciding what I can have not just what I cant helps.
Hi Robin,
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who holds the occasional pity party. Thanks for your honesty, it makes me feel better
.
Okay - so here’s some of my thoughts - discussions about goals and commitments depress me. I’ve tried and failed so many times - why bother. And sometimes recently - I’ve thought “what’s the point?” - why have a goal/dream/desire because I’m so alone though married nothing seems possible but getting by.
What really gets to me is the loneliness - emotional distance from family, spouse, need for relationship and connection. Food is something to do and something to fill the void - and of course it never works but the rest of life has been so disappointing in recent years it has seemed like the only thing I can do.
And while I could stay the same weight that I am (thought it’s 10-15 pounds more than I like) I could stay this weight and be okay - but I can’t stay this empty.
So I see there are several aspects I need to approach - the discipline of self-care. That includes what and why I eat…the discipline of turning away from things that really don’t satisfy and turning to God and people appropriately to fill the voids.
On August 29 (8 weeks from today) I am starting a new position as a hospital chaplain resident… and I am really beginning to look forward to it. I want to have some of the practical aspects of self care established by then because the death/dying/crisis can be really draining at a trauma hospital.
Here’s the plan I’m committing to:
• Protein, veggies, some fruit, no artificial sweetener except my occasional diet coke, very limited “sweets” and only if pre-planned (like when I bake with my nieces)
• Writing out scripture on index cards and USING them
• Planning my meals and planning my workouts for the week
• Keeping a food /work out journal
• Planning social activities so that I stay connected with people and don’t get so isolated/lonely/bored
Hi Lucinda,
I’m glad to hear that you are looking forward to your new position. It sounds like a great opportunity for you to share your gifts and who knows how God plans to bless you in the process.
Writing out your self-care plan was a big step. Congratulations! It sounds awesome, and I’ll be praying that God fills every crack and crevice in your heart with an awareness and experience of His overwhelming love for you as you walk out this path.
He’s crazy about you!
May you be greatly blessed as you move into your new resolve.
I binged today; I took that first bite and then I just didn’t stop. I feel so all alone, because I have prayed for years that God would give me a born-again, spirit-filled Christian woman friend to keep me accountable, that we could share and encourage each other, but He has never given me anyone. He does try to send me signals when He wants me not to eat or to stop eating. I don’t understand why God leaves me all alone all the time. It just doesn’t seem fair. He has given fellowship to others, but not to me. I don’t understand why He is doing this to me.
Hi Fran,
I’m so sorry. I have felt that same way many times in the past. For me, I’ve realized how easily I could substitute ‘flesh & blood’ friends for Him and I know I would probably run to them first instead of running to Him and then calling them.
Whatever His reasons, I’m so glad to hear that you still hear Him speaking to you. What a sign of His gracious love.
Hang in there, dear friend. I’ll be praying for you today.
Kim
For me the FIRST thing I must do is surrender to God, completely and utterly. Then when those pity party groupies try to crash my place, God will not open the door for them because if I didn’t give God permission to boot unwanted guests out, I would weakly invite them in.
Sometimes I still do, but not nearly as much as I used to. Like Lysa says, “But in that moment of temptation, I realized having a pity party was a clue I was relying on my own strength, a strength that has failed me before and would fail me again.” I bounce back more quickly now and I know it is God’s grace (and mercy!) guiding me through. “God’s power is made perfect in weakness,”
Amy
Hi Amy,
It’s so encouraging when we can see God rise up and do what we can’t do on our own, isn’t it? He is so good.