Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Live Unto God…NOT Your Problems

by Julie Gorman

Human tendency tends to focus on what is wrong instead of what is right. As a society, we focus on all the areas of our life that we need to improve on, rather than focusing on what we excel at. We are taught to focus on our areas of weakness rather than our areas of strength; this philosophy spills over into our marriages.

Whatever problems exist within your marriage, one of the most important acts you can do is to live unto God and not your problems. Focus on developing your spiritual walk; draw closer to God.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 state, “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” God is always present in every season of our life. By focusing our attention on Him, His love provides joy even in the darkest of seasons.

I am not implying not to address issues—simply not to live unto them. Here is a perfect example—my children sometimes bicker back and forth (especially when we are in the car.) Eventually, they draw me into their arguments saying, “Mommy, Sommer hit me.”  “Mommy, Joshua spit on me.” “Mommy, Courtney’s ignoring us and won’t play.” Their confrontations go on and on. They are consumed with “Their issues.”

My response, “Stop fighting. Why don’t you listen to this praise song for a little while? Or, Hey, I’ve got an idea; why don’t you play I spy?” By redirecting their focus, their fights diminish, and our car ride becomes more enjoyable.

Though marriage relationships tend to be a little more complex, the principle remains the same. As we divert our love and devotion toward God, He helps to bridge the chasms between us making our journey more peaceful. He is our Counselor and our Prince of Peace.

Greg and I faced major battles. Like all married couples, we struggled with finances, experienced job changes, and overcame many other obstacles—yet survive! Not only did we survive but we became best friends.

How?—by choosing to live unto God, and not our problems; but how do you live unto God and not your problems?

1.  Don’t always focus on fixing your issues…enjoy life…choose to look at the strengths of your marriage and not all the areas needing fixed.

2.  Thank God for your spouse.

3.  Embrace their differences. Try to recognize how their differences help to complete and compliment you.

4.  Pray together. No matter how difficult your battle may appear, God is near. If we practice praying together, our battles begin to become smaller because our circumstances automatically take their rightful proportionate size when we spend time in God’s presence.

5.  Ask God to give you a common mission. Working towards a common goal unites hearts. A common vision ignites passion and stirs intimacy.

Life is messy; it seldom turns out like we expect it to…But God graciously surprises us with healing, laughter, joy, and peace when we focus on Him in the midst of our struggles.


Tags: , ,
Posted in Julie Gorman, Marriage, Marriage Monday | No Comments »

Marriage Monday – Marriage is a Continual Journey

by Julie Gorman

We’re friends right? And friends can be honest with one another…right? So…can I just say…very honestly…I’ve had a lot of trial and errors all through out my marriage, even recently?

Don’t get me wrong…I love my husband implicitly…but he sure can tick me off…and he has a few times lately. LOL.

In the past few week I have travelled well over 10,000 miles…driving from Texas to Missouri…to Kentucky…then flying to the Ukraine…back to Kentucky…then flying to Florida…then back to Kentucky…then driving to Missouri…and finally back home to Texas! Whew…just thinking of it gives me jet lag all over.

Along with all the travel, I am packing boxes. We are moving our family from Texas to Florida in just 3 short weeks. We are doing all of this and still haven’t gotten the final approval our rental lease for the next year has been finalized! AGGGH!

All in all…we are under a little pressure. Now combine in the mix that I’m finishing the last 3 chapters of my next book and awaiting final approval from my publishing company…well…you might just say there’s a little stress in my life right now. :-)

So, Greg and my temperaments have been tested. Our friendship has been stretched. And, the grace we need for one another has been magnified. I say all of this to remind myself and you that…

Marriage is a continual journey; if you struggle you are not strange. Every couple hurdles obstacles within their relationship, but resolving to press on produces healthy, satisfying relationships.

Thomas Edison once replied to an interviewer’s question (concerning his light bulb invention), “I never failed once. It just happened to be a 200-step process.” Our marriages won’t fail if we embrace the same attitude and commitment Edison held concerning his inventions. He never gave up. He kept trying until he succeeded.

Marriage is a journey, demanding our constant effort of “giving” not “taking.” Prepare for the twists and turns in the road. Prepare for the occasional accidents and detours. Position yourself in prayer. Study the road map of God’s Word and you’ll discover direction for your journey. You can’t stop. Keep driving. In the hazardous seasons, slow down. Remember, every journey has a starting point; your marriage started with a vow before God. Occasionally, you find yourself at the starting line all over again remaking and reconfirming the vows to love, honor, and cherish. Put your spouse’s needs before your own and watch God move.

In the Seven Conflicts, Tim and Joy Downs write: “Each of us is born with an instinctive ‘me first’ attitude. But in marriage, each husband and wife has to cultivate a ‘we first’ mentality—and each needs to know that his or her partner shares that value.” (2003, Moody Publishers, pg. 40)

Don’t give up—God is near. If you have breath it is not too late to experience your “happily-ever-after.” Marriage takes a lot of hard work and you may feel as though your life hangs by a delicate string, but God is able to mend and restore. Put your hope and confidence in Him and He will navigate you on your journey.


Tags: , ,
Posted in Daily Living, Julie Gorman, Marriage, Marriage Monday | 2 Comments »

Marriage Monday – Obtaining Sexual Intimacy

by Julie Gorman

Today, we live in a sex-saturated society. Hollywood glamorizes sex but distorts God’s design for sexual intimacy. When we combine this distortion with our own discomfort in discussing it, we perpetuate dysfunction. We ponder, sexual…intimacy? The two terms seem incompatible.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…”

Being raised in a family where every abuse was present, my views on sexual intimacy were extremely skewed. I carried deep emotional scars. Unfortunately, my experience with men horribly distorted God’s design for sexual intimacy within marriage. Practically every man I dated validated an improper view of what a pure relationship was supposed to look and feel like. I carried many false beliefs and preconceived notions into my marriage. I always met the physical requirement of sex but starved my husband from the emotional and spiritual connection.

After much prayer, God tore down my built up walls and healed my past hurts. He helped me be vulnerable with my husband.

As we journey to discover true sexual intimacy within marriage, remember sex is an outward expression of the inner-relationship you share with your spouse. Our sexual intimacy reveals the overall health in our relationships—if the other areas of our marriage are healthy, our sex life will be too; and if the other areas of our relationship are not healthy then our sexual expression won’t be either. So how do you obtain a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse?

Here are ten steps to foster intimacy with your spouse:

1.  Pray and read the Word with your spouse each night before you go to bed. Connecting spiritually promotes physical intimacy. When we share our thoughts and dreams together with God we become one, causing us to desire one another physically.

2.  Set a time aside to discuss areas of your relationship. Be honest, but sensitive. Fine out how you can please your spouse. Ask what makes them feel good. As long as their desire doesn’t violate the Word of God or his design, pleasure is okay—you’re married.

3.  Pray about fatigue or tiredness. Ask God to help you be eager to share physical intimacy with your spouse.

4.  Be proactive. Touch stimulates intimacy. Touching your spouse affectionately; express compliments to them throughout the day, and don’t turn off your affection when the lights go out.

5.  Put away the romance novels and shut off the soap operas. Most of these forms of entertainment promote infidelity and portray unrealistic expectations, distorting the marriage bed.

6.  Prepare your mind throughout the day. Start positive talk to promote a healthy outlook toward your sexual relationship. Sex is a time for building intimacy; it is not a chore—it is a privilege. Sex is a holy act not a dirty one. Ask God to change any of your distorted views.

7.  Take time to date. Sharing time together outside your job responsibilities and family tasks is necessary for any marriage. Find common interests and spend quality time taking.

8.  Pretend it’s your wedding night together. Remember when you first fell in love. Remember the passion. Ask God to reignite the fire.

9.  Keep the lights on. This is primarily for us ladies. Most men are stimulated through sight. Don’t deprive them from looking at the only woman’s body God granted them to look at.

10. Play. Have fun. Initiate. And talk about it. Don’t pervert intimacy; rather deepen your intimacy by flirting with your spouse. Light some candles and put on some soft music.

Remember—God is your help and your healer. He will restore what the enemy tried to destroy. Sexual intimacy can be a reality for your marriage.


Tags: , ,
Posted in Julie Gorman, Marriage, Marriage Monday | No Comments »

Marriage Monday – Take Time to Date

by Julie Gorman

Do you feel disconnected? Do you feel alone? Are you tired of the same routine? When is the last time you shared a meaningful conversation with your spouse? Do you know what your spouse’s dreams are? Has your spouse lost interest in you? Surprise him with a date night!

Think back to the first time your spouse asked you out. How long did you prepare for the date? Remember how you tried to look your best? You asked questions about him, trying to get to know him better. Remember how you hung on every word he said? How you listened intently to him and laughed at his jokes?

Ladies, the longer we are with our spouse, the more we need to date them.

Dating provides us an open window to view the current events of our life together. It provides you with the opportunity to grow together instead of drifting apart. Dating allows us the time to reconnect by rediscovering who your spouse is and helps us keep our love young and alive.

Here are a few helpful hints to help make dating fun and practical:

Surprise your spouse by planning and arranging a date. If you have children, arrange a babysitter. Call your spouse and ask him what his plans are for Friday night.

Do something you know he’ll love. I planned fishing trips for Greg. What does your husband like to do?

Always look your best on date night.

Apply the main rule of dating—no fighting.

Ask questions to stir conversation.

Think back to when you first dated. What did you do to gain your spouses attention and affection? Practice those things again. As you serve him, you’ll be surprised at how you kindle your love for him again.

Some other great gestures are to ask your spouse what his idea of the perfect date is—if it is possible, plan it for him. Send your spouse a little note telling him how much you admire him. Remind yourself of your spouse’s greatest attributes. What do you admire most about him?

Life can get really hectic. We need to be intentional to keep our love alive. So, practice dating…You’ll be amazed at the results!


Tags:
Posted in Julie Gorman, Marriage, Marriage Monday | 1 Comment »

Marriage Monday: Respect Often Equals Love to Our Husband

by Julie Gorman

Do any of these phrases sound familiar?

Why don’t you ever help me with the children? I’ve worked all day, too—it’s your turn. I am not happy with the amount of time you’re at the office. I swear, you always talk about business and leave me out of the loop. I never know what you’re up to. Where is all our money? I thought we had XXX amount in our account? I wish you spent time with us instead of always being gone. Why don’t you…I wish you’d…”

Shamefully, at one time or another, I said every single one of these phrases. I never realized how much these statements conveyed disrespect, or how much I communicated disbelief in my husband’s abilities.

But, how do we communicate trust and respect…without becoming a door mat?

Here are ten helpful hints:

1.  Choose to trust his decisions. I used to have to know all the details…now I determine to know my husband and the specifics of how I can help him. Obtaining too many details (for me) was a means of control.

2.  Trust the Holy Spirit. God is a better negotiator than we could ever hope to become. As wives, we must learn the delicate balance between our incredible influence and our sinful desire to manipulate and coerce our husband’s actions.

3.  Learn when to remain silent. Remember, tame your tongue. Galatians 5:15 says, “Watch out if you continually pick at one another you may end up devouring one another.” Say feelings positively rather than negatively. For example, “Why don’t you ever help me with the children?” could be better phrased—“Could you please get our son a glass of milk while I change his diaper?”

4.  Never patronize or use condescending remarks demeaning your husband’s abilities or judging the intentions of his heart. Keep your heart in check. The emphasis on your words must reflect sincerity of heart.

5.  Listen to your spouse with an open mind (whether you agree or not) and check for your understanding of his viewpoint. Ask yourself, what does my spouse need? How is he saying I can better support him?

6.  Learn what to let go of. Don’t major on the minor stuff. In marriage, each day produces the opportunity of small offenses. A great secret of successful marriage is learning to let them go.

7.  Never point out your husband’s flaws until you’ve spent a great deal of praying about it first.

8.  Think about how you might respond to another man in authority over you, like your boss. Show your husband the same respect you might show your boss. Guard and choose your words carefully. Demonstrate the same control and respect you would for him, for your husband.

9.  Practice what you know to do, and eventually you’ll crave and inherently do what is right.

10. Practice praise. Tell him…You know what I respect the most about you? I am so proud to call you my husband. I am so proud of how you handled that. I loved when you helped me… Thank you for being such a great friend…Zero in on what you respect about your husband and start there.

Ephesians 5:24 & 33 says—“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything… Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” NIV

Respect often equals love to our husbands. What we say and how we say it expresses trust and respect or doubt and lack of love. As we need them to demonstrate their love for us, they need us to unconditionally demonstrate our respect for them. Since I’ve practiced the ten steps listed above, I’ve enjoyed a fulfilling marriage and partnership. Hope you do too!

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tags: , ,
Posted in Julie Gorman, Marriage, Marriage Monday | 4 Comments »

« Older Entries